Thanks to TotalTransformation for the idea.
(This is harder for me that I would have thought…here goes…)
Your mamma’s so holy…
…when she drinks a glass of water she leaks
…she pees holy water
…she turns wine into water
…Jesus goes to her for advice
…she farts breath mints
…she farts incense
…she thinks the missionary position is kinky sex
…she thinks the missionary position is a ministry opening in Africa
…she makes the Virgin Mary look like Brittany Spears
…she thinks nuns dress too provocatively
…she’s never seen herself naked
…she always speaks in King James English
February 27, 2007 at 2:53 pm
she always speaks in KJV, hahahahaha
February 27, 2007 at 4:25 pm
Nuns aren’t so holy.
After all, they all have a habit.
February 27, 2007 at 4:38 pm
OK, more Priest/Nun jokes (not all original):
Priest to altar boy: “Come visit my rectory.”
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An 80 year old man went into the confessional and told the priest the following:
“Father, I am an 80 year old man, I’m married, I have 4 children and 11 grandchildren. Last night I strayed and had an affair with two 18 year old girls. We partied and made love all night long.”
The priest said, “My son, when was the last time you were at confession?”
The old man said, “I have never been to confession, I’m Jewish.”
The priest said, “Then why are you here telling me this?”
The old man said, “Father, I’m telling everyone!”
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Did you hear about the good looking Priest who got fired? He made all the nuns give up their habits.
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Why does a priest where a clerical collar? It hides the hickies.
(Tell this one to a group of young priests–it will crack them up.)
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Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.
The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn’t help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, “Good morning, Father” - “Good morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)
Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: “Good morning, Father,” “Good morning Father,” and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn’t stand it and said. “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?”
“Oh, Father, don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Angela!”
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February 27, 2007 at 6:18 pm
There were three couples who wanted to join a particular church. The priest tells them “Wonderful, but in order to join our church you must first prove your faith. You may not have sex for 60 days. On the 61st day, return here, and with God as your witness, tell me how you did.”
The really old couple says, “60 days? Cake walk. If you want to make it hard, make it 60 months!”
The middle aged couple says, “Wow. That’s a lot. But we should be able to do it.”
The newlyweds say, “Can’t we just cut off our arms or something instead?”
On the 61st day, all three couples return.
The priest says, “Remember that God is your witness. How did you do?”
The old couple says, “I can’t believe it’s over all ready! No problems, Father.” The priest blesses them and welcomes them into the church.
The middle aged couple says, “Wow, that was hard. There were a few times we almost gave in, but with God’s help, we did it, Father.” The priest blesses them and welcomes them into the church.
The newlyweds are smiling brightly. “Well, it looks like you did much better than you thought!” cries the priest.
“Actually Father, we were sailing right along the first couple of weeks. Then it got kind of difficult, and we prayed and prayed and got through the tough patch. Then it was ok for a while, and then it got incredibly difficult. We prayed and prayed, we tried and tried, but finally last night I couldn’t take it anymore.
“There was my wife, heels and a miniskirt, bent over the freezer. She has a beautiful ass, Father. I just couldn’t help myself. I ran to her, kissed her like she’s never been kissed, tore off her clothes and made mad passionate love to her on the tiled floor, right there in front of the freezer.”
The priest is touched by this, but also disappointed. “My son, that is the most beautiful story of lovemaking I have ever heard. As long as you treat your wife like that, your marriage will be a long and happy one. But unfortunately, I cannot allow you into the church.”
“That’s OK father, they won’t let us back into the grocery store, either.”
May 8, 2008 at 9:47 pm
your an idiot
May 9, 2008 at 7:01 pm
You’re illiterate.